Come to Jesus Salad


If you have eaten the equivalent of an entire Costco pumpkin pie…

If you have stumbled upon the world’s best eggnog and now drink it by the gallon…

If you made holiday cookies and have pictures of you eating half the bowl of dough…

If you consumed coconut brownies, a chocolate pistachio covered apple, and a hot buttered rum in one evening,

then this is your altar call. REPENT, you sinner!

I’m not saying you did. I’m saying I know you have more willpower than me and the person who did those things does not exist in 2013.

But just in case…I had my first grapefruit of the season today and, as I cut into it, I remembered this salad: last year I made it once a week from January through the end of grapefruit season. It’s that good. And it will totally vaporize any of that crap you ate in 2012. (I know, you didn’t eat any. I hate you.) And if that’s not enough, you get to SUPREME grapefruit. True verb. As I tell my students, for most verbs, you can add an -er to the and get a noun–the person who does those things. Hence, you will be a SUPREMER. It just doesn’t get better than this, folks.

I dare you–double the recipe: SUPREMEST.


Grapefruit Kale Salad:

2 grapefruit (I like the ruby red ones)

2 Meyer lemons

4 dates, pitted

1 bunch of kale

1 large handful of fresh mintDSC_0010

  1. Remove the ribs from the kale and chiffonade the leaves; place them in a medium bowl.
  2. SUPREME! the grapefruit: Carefully cut the skins from the grapefruit, taking care not to remove the flesh. (I tried for a long time to put words to the rest of this process, but now I’m just shuffling you over to this video. I like the Miami Vice music in the background and how she reminds you to “be careful not to slice your thumb off.”  Add to the bowl (grapefruit, not thumb). Some people like to massage the kale with the grapefruit juice, saying that it breaks down the greens a bit. I’m too lazy to do this. I won’t tell if you are too.
  3. SUPREME! the lemons and dice them; add them to the bowl.
  4. Dice the dates and add them, along with the mint, to the bowl.
  5. Enjoy your repentance!

6 thoughts on “Come to Jesus Salad

  1. Repent!!!!! You forgot about the 1-dozen tamales and the wine tasting?? Repentance will require additional sacrifice without Greens! This will be a year long project—to re-cleanse your soul & body…

  2. Pingback: The New Year Mashed Potato Resolution | Writing in the Rain

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